Vigara sales pitches. The Collectors Edition

I used to get really annoyed with too many junk emails. The viagra sales pitches were the most frequent penetrators of my antivirus. They pissed me off until I realised how brilliantly devised they are, bordering on conceptual genius. Who cares about bad grammar and dodgy translation. It's at the heart of their charm. And the variety... I've never seen the same one twice! What brilliant marketeers can find so many fresh ways to say the same thing.

I stopped resisting them and started to collect them. Here I share with you my Viagra sales pitch collection for your entertainment. Pick your favourites. My top three would have to be 1) exclude flaccid hose risk 2) Don't let your porksword rust and 3) So hard you can break an egg. (You never know when that might come in handy.) Rank them in your own order of stupidity or just enjoy them as they are. I've listed them chronologically as I received them in my inbox.

I've got better antivirus now and I'm missing them already.

Viagra sales pitches

Hard drill her today

Torpedo her all night

Tired of being a man with delicate sphere problems?

0% Amorous risk failure

Take this and being in bed with you will be like being in the centre of a hurricane

Incredible Lengthening

Your drillo needs support

Spears caught in bath

Want your meaty lever to go up and forward all night? Make a purchase then!

Don’t let porksword rust

Make your King – Kong twice larger

Be a love rhino

Get upper for your pisser

Support for your hot prick

Free love-beast inside you.

Stimulate love toy growth

Make manhood colossal

Good guys finish last

Heal for your woody

This natural blend can sure make your rocket start every night

Don’t be null in bedroom

Uplong your dignity

Give her animal desire

Exclude flaccid hose risk

The effect of this pilule raise your prick. What else does a man need?

Limpness won’t threat your rod.

Make wang active

Dude, your snake sucks

Break no-boner chains

Be fit as horse in mating

Your pork pistol won’t fail

Give your bomb longer timer

Give your rocket best fuel

No efforts for raising your rod

Make your volcano erupt more lava

Be potent man

Three girls? Or 4? It is not a limit for a man with a pack of this male vitamin

Gigantic tool in 5 secs!

Solid every time you jump to bed!

Plus to your male main parameter

Stuff for making donger tough

Hot discounts on boner pills

Your manhood is set to achieve spectacular ecstasy

It makes sense to have a bigger schll0ng, you enjoy it and girls love it.

Make sure she is the queen of the world every night

Your bedroom will sizzle after this

A babe-filled life awaits you

Highly active girls craving for you

So hard you can break an egg

Make your nightly romps more wild

COCKZILLA is the word

She will surely pounce on you

You will leave a long lasting impression on any lady fortunate enough to lie with you

Scotralia

Last week I hit a cusp. I have lived half my life in Scotland and half in Australia (I'll ignore a year in NZ for streamlining reasons) . So I decided to celebrate Scotralia and got friends to dress in cultural mash up and we met down at the Merri Creek.  Perfect hanging out spot, perfect weather and just lovely to see so many fine people there.   That was the mellow part of the day with the kids and dogs.

Then we moved indoors and partied harder. Thanks to the diehards who insisted on some Scottish Country dancing.  I might have let it slip. And for those of you who don't know what they're doing in this first photo it's the 'WhooOOOoooch' bit of a dashing white seargent.

Bit of freestyling here from the girls.

Lovely weather for it

The annual nude cycle ride hits Melbourne again. And why wouldn't you?

It's just fun in the sun.  Here's the Brunswick St leg (and arm and arse).

Next year I'm gunna, I'm really gunna do it.

Stripping with strangers

This was in my in box.

You have to larf. It's an invitation to speed dating for the over 40's. Apparently participants will just bypass the pre date selection of appropriate clothing. They don't have to angst over choosing the blue frock or the black one. They don't have to wear any at all. And they can also bypass the awkward chat of explaining a little bit about themselves so see if they share common ground.   It appears they can go straight to the stripping part of the evening to impress their new playmates. 

Because of course that's what dating is all about.  Women are only ever two glasses of champagne away from wanting to strip for strangers.

I wonder what the boys will be wearing?

Port Kembla steel works, Wollongong NSW

I've always been fascinated by the proximity of this giant industrial steel complex to the beautiful beaches of the Gong. This shot of Port Kembla steel works was taken on a clear day at Coniston beach with reportedly harmless steam coming out. Surfers, however, report that they can sometimes feel grit in their teeth when they surf nearer the facility.

Man made weather...... Bluescope Steel, part of BHP, always assure the Australian public that they operate within environmental guidelines in this country. But  due to BHP's appalling record of international environmental destruction and the fact they wield so much financial and political power in Australia, I don't entirely believe them. I suspect they practically write the EPA guidelines around their emmisions.

On the plus side, If you ever need a location for an

industrial film set, Port Kembla at night is just what you're after.